


Supermarket Flowers

by callousvulpix



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, Forgive me father for I know what I've done, Sanvers - Freeform, angsty, mother's day fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 01:35:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10911636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callousvulpix/pseuds/callousvulpix
Summary: A heart that's broke is a heart that's been loved.





	Supermarket Flowers

**Author's Note:**

> I know a lot of people headcanon that Maggie’s mother was a passive bystander to her dad’s rage and the subsequent throwing of Maggie and her stuff into the street, but…. What if that’s not true?

Maggie is used to Alex treading lightly around holidays now after the Valentine’s Day debacle. So she wasn’t surprised when Alex tentatively asked if she’d like to come with her to visit Eliza. Every holiday is hard when you’ve lost your entire family, but Mother’s Day cut deep. Maggie’s family is tight-knit and when she was apart of that she appreciated it, but after the falling out with her father, her family took his side and she was left with nothing. 

 

Her aunt, an ex in-law, that was also ostracized from the family due to a messy divorce and had no family of her own due to a messy past took pity on her and took her in… but, it just wasn’t the same. Her aunt was busy with work every day, just working to survive, to keep them both afloat. She told Maggie that she should get away from the hell that Blue Springs, Nebraska is, but told her that she didn’t have the means to provide funding for Maggie’s escape and Maggie accepted that.

 

So Maggie worked. She would offer to take shifts on holidays because it’s not like she had anyone to celebrate with and the other workers deserved to be at home with their families even if she couldn’t. Being busy helped ease the pain but never quite took the sting away. You don’t just stop caring about people so easily and time just makes the memories fade to nostalgia. Nostalgia and a myriad of “What ifs” played through Maggie’s mind every important date that passed: birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Independence Day, even Valentine’s Day.

 

Maggie shakes out of her reverie and gives Alex an unconvincing smile.

 

“No, babe, I’m fine. I have plans.”

 

_ To drink _ , Alex thinks but asks, “Your aunt?”

 

“Yeah, I’m going to go visit her if that’s alright?”

 

“Oh yeah sure! I just thought…. Uh nevermind! Have fun with your aunt! I’m going to go have brunch with my mom and Kara, be safe.” 

 

Alex departs after a swift kiss on the lips. Suddenly Maggie is alone.

 

She takes a deep breath and grabs her keys and jacket and goes out the door. She gets on her motorcycle and heads to the airport. She has a little over four and a half hours to reminisce and think about the “What ifs.”

 

Tiny children slipping painstakingly picked Valentine’s cards bought in a pack at the store to match their feelings about particular people into sloppily crafted boxes. Bright grins after reading them because  _ everyone  _ had to give _ everyone  _ else a card no matter what they thought of them and the cards are never downright mean like most of the children are. 

 

What if she had never slipped that card into Eliza Wilkie’s locker? 

 

Her family coming together and combining all of their bought fireworks to create an enormous show that lit up the night. Sparklers being waved through the air and the crackle and pop and slight burn as she held on a little too long. The resulting tinge of smoke that permeated the air for the next few days and the leftover dynamite sticks being stuck and thrown into things by her cousins to watch mini explosions lasts throughout July.

 

What if she was there now, would she reprimand them for lighting the fireworks even with a burn ban in effect?

 

The smell of rolls in the oven and peanut oil in the backyard as her uncle fries the turkey and her various aunts putter around the kitchen. Playing football with the boys even though “You should helping set the table like a lady, Margaret.” Carrying her little cousin on her back around the yard as he squeals with joy and begging her to not put him down. The crisp crunch of leaves under her feet and the neverending drone of conversation.

 

What if her little cousin never actually knew why she stopped coming?

 

Holding her little cousin’s hand as they walked through the streets trick-or-treating. Competing in costume contests and toilet paper mummy making contests and getting so sick on sugar that she vowed to never eat candy again. Crammed together on the couch marathoning scary movies and hiding under the blanket at the scary parts and covering her ears when the music became too intense. 

 

What if the scariest thing is no longer being stabbed or shot but losing someone without them knowing she loved them--oh how she still loves them even when she shouldn’t--and not being informed of their death or their funeral until much later?

 

The bite of the cold on her cheeks. Singing off-key to all of the Christmas carols on the radio. Building a lopsided snowman and the feeling of her nerves coming back to life when she sits in front of the fire. The smell of pine and peppermint and the excitement of opening presents under the tree. All of her family gathered together to eat dinner and to share teasing stories about each other as they watch a Hallmark movie.

 

What if no one actually acknowledged her absence and she was gone, gone from their world even as they still live on in her heart?

 

Pancakes and sausage, breakfast in bed. A rare smile from her usually gruff father. The smell of aftershave and the drone of sports talk shows in the air as Maggie tries to make herself as small and least annoying as possible, to be a perfect daughter.

 

What if her father never turned into a raging alcoholic?

 

Cheap supermarket flowers, the only thing she could afford as a child, her father giving her five dollars and telling her to make the most of it. The smell of crayon and she drew crude hearts on colored construction paper. The smell of clean laundry as her mother hugged her and tucked her hair behind her ear, whispering “I love you, too, Margaret Ellen.”

 

What if… What if… What if…

 

The plane touches down at the Lincoln airport. She grabs her rental car and drives to the nearest drugstore to buy their cheapest flowers. She may be Maggie now, not Margaret, but she’d rather not run the risk of being recognized in Blue Springs. She has already written at length what she wants to say, what she can never quite articulate out loud because the lump in her throat just never quite dissipates when she’s within 100 miles of the place. She’d buy the flowers in National City, too, if that were an option but produce isn’t allowed on planes. She rolls down the windows because the air is stuffy and she feel like she can’t breathe and it’s an hour drive and she just wants the wind to rip all of the thoughts out of her mind and the whipping of her hair into her face to distract her enough that she doesn’t think.

 

She arrives at her destination and runs her hand through her hair and straightens her shirt. She grabs the flowers and cards and makes her way through the gate.

 

“Hey Aunt Jamie. I brought you flowers and a card again.”

 

The silence is almost unsettling.

 

“And you, too….. Mom.”

 

Maggie remains un-greeted, unwelcomed, un-hugged, her hair untucked. She laughs short and low.  The only smell is of freshly turned dirt and the sickly sweet scent of flowers. A crow caws and Maggie briefly ponders if someone else here had heart-sinking Mother’s Day, too, but already moved on to more private spaces. She hands them the gifts and sits down, she didn’t travel all this way to not stay a while, and this is as warm of a welcome as she’d ever get in Blue Springs anyhow.

 

“So I don’t know how you’d feel about this… but I met a girl and I love her. So much. I want to marry her someday. She’s so smart and brave and caring and I can’t imagine life without her. I don’t want to lose her. She’s all I have in National City… in the world. She’s the only one I know that loves me unconditionally and will always try to do what’s best for me.”

 

All that greets her is silence. Maggie lets out a pained laugh.

 

“I know that’s a lot coming from me. I swore I’d never get attached again after everyone betrayed me by siding with him and deciding that I don’t exist anymore but then again here I am, in Blue Springs because of you two.”

 

The only sound is of gravel crunching behind her and she chooses to ignore the new presence until they cough and she turns around.

 

“Kara flew me here. I had Winn look up where your aunt lived. I didn’t want you to have to face this place and your past alone, Maggie. You’re not alone, I’m here for you.”

 

Maggie squeezes her eyes shut and liquid escapes the sides and all she can think about is how she wanted all these firsts with Alex and she wanted to rebuild her associations and memories of holidays with the joy of Alex and the Danvers instead of her own family, but this is not one that she planned on sharing or erasing.

 

Alex just sinks to the ground beside her and pulls her into a hug.

 

“Even though we never got his body back we had a funeral for my father, buried an empty casket. I used to go sit there in front of his gravestone and try to speak. The words never came. I never felt him there though. It always felt cold and unforgiving. I used to share my secrets with the ocean instead, so the waves would render my voice unhearable to Kara and that’s when I felt closest to him. But, I got frustrated and would scream because I didn’t ever know what he would say and I’d sit there and imagine a life with him still in it.”

 

Alex glances at the headstones out of the corner of her eye and then pulls back and rests her forehead on Maggie’s. Maggie surpresses a sob and swallows.

 

“I was so scared for my father to meet you. What if the worst scenarios my mind created became reality? What if all that was left in my mind was a wild, desperate hope for all the things I wished to be true? I think that’s why I let him back in so easily, I wanted him to be as perfect as what I thought he would be. That turned out great, huh?” 

 

Alex laughs and they’re both crying now.

 

“I love you, Maggie Sawyer. No matter what.”

 

Alex closes the gap between them and kisses her tenderly.

 

Their tears mingle together and Maggie thinks that Alex might understand.

 

What if her mother would have accepted her? Or what if she hadn’t?

 

What could her life have been? How different would she be? 

 

What’s worse: the pain of losing a loving mother to death or the pain of losing a mother who you thought loved you unconditionally to the hate of an essential part of who you are?

 

The pain is in the not knowing. Hopes simultaneously lifted and crushed in a never ending loop that she will never get the answers to or the desperately needed closure to move on.

 

After what seems like hours of crying as Alex holds her, they pull apart and just stare into each others’ red-rimmed eyes.

  
“Let’s go get dinner with Eliza, yeah?”

**Author's Note:**

> This is all I could think about today. There’s a lot of cemeteries in my hometown and I saw people there and it just… broke my heart. You can thank the Superauthorsnetwork for giving me motivation to write while simultaneously causing me to procrastinate, a true paradox. Catch me on Tumblr @ sanversau.


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